J.C. Maçek III The World's Greatest Critic!

Once upon a time there was a movie series that started with 1979's Zombi 2, itself an unofficial sequel to Dawn of the Dead. It produced two sequels, both within the stupid year of 1988. However, one year prior, the filmic version of Athlete's Foot known as Killing Birds was released and failed. Then, someone got the bright idea to rename it Zombie 5 - Killing Birds, making it an unofficial sequel to a series of unofficial sequels. In my review of that piece of fucking lame piece of fucking shit, I asked the bold question, why in the name of Anal Douche would someone want to name their film after such a string of terrible, terrible movies? Does that help? Isn't that suck by association? It is!

Part of the 2006 Summer of Horror!

Years upon painful years later (in the year 2000), a miserable little filmic tumor called Bloody Murder more grew than debuted onto Home Video shelves everywhere. It's a mean little rat terrier, and I don't like it. It was a poorly acted, produced, directed, edited, scored and written rip off of Friday the 13th right on down to a Hockey Mask wearing serial killer preying on the counselors of a Summer Camp. Somehow a sequel was sprayed onto us in 2003 (fittingly called Bloody Murder 2). Probably realizing that any sane person would avoid a sequel to that first mass of crap (and cashing in on the fact that the killer's mask looked vaguely more like Mikey's from Halloween) the UK Distributor renamed this thing Halloween Camp: Trevor vs Jason.

Here's where we slowly limp to my prolonged point... 2004's Adam & Evil sucks. How much does it suck? Almost (but not quite) as much as Killing Birds because in the UK, this billboard for Pepto Bismol was released as Halloween Camp 2: Scream If You Wanna Die Faster. Now, please note, the UK Distributors of Bloody Murder 2 didn't even want to associate THAT flick with Bloody Murder (which was released in Great Britain as Scream Bloody Murder), so the fact that we actually have an unofficial sequel to a sequel to a really horrible collection of rip offs is as unbelievable as anything Joe Isuzu has to say.

Aside from the (alternate) title, Adam & Evil/ Halloween Camp 2: Scream If You Wanna Die Faster is similar to the Bloody Murder films only to the extent that it takes place at a camp in the woods by a lake, and that it features good looking young women with incredibly dorky young men. Said hotties and nerds journey to a remote campsite for a post-Graduation drunken few evenings of debauchery that might remind one of the best teenage romp films of all time except that it sucks.

Along the way they stop at that same stupid truck stop/ gas station we smell in every third horror movie. There the one guy no one thinks could ever get laid almost does... with the Sheriff's wife. And why not? He's no dorkier than any of the other guys who also manage to get some.

However, when Mr. Dorky actually does manage to get a little (at the camp site), he's found deader than the Polka craze. Soon everyone's in danger, and no one is safe... just like in every slasher crap fest since The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'm just glad that nepotistic writer/ director Andrew Van Slee worked in some nudity and bikini scenes for a little gratuity. Let's face it, it's not like he was busy writing or directing.

Aside from the nakedness, the minimal (and this is very, very, very minimal) point of interest is in trying to figure out who the ubiquitous slasher is. Could it be the Jealous Sheriff Husband, or perhaps the jealous ex-boyfriend on the rampage, or maybe it's one of the kids themselves wearing the (stupid looking) mask, out to take revenge for a poorly thought out (and depicted) prank that resulted in fire and death? I'll tell you one thing, it's not "Trevor Moorhouse". I'll tell you something else, you'll soon stop caring, especially during the insulting final act. When the killer is finally revealed, it's such an implausible (yet somehow still predictable) answer, you'll owe your body, brain and soul an apology for putting them through this poot.

So many hot chicks, so many dorky guys... it must have been targeted to the spazes who stay up to watch this kind of crap on the Starz channel late on Saturdays. "Hey, that guy's a geek and he's getting some... that could be me!!!" Great marketing, though not great enough to stop them from changing the name to cash in on another terrible movie series (which tried to pass itself off as part of other serieses as well) in England. I've officially seen all three of these now, so I guess my insults fall squarely into the "three fingers pointing back at me" syndrome. I'll say this, though... I wish I hadn't seen this. The only way I can imagine this being all that much worse is if it had no nudity at all. Look for these actors in better projects (some of them) because this isn't the one to watch... except the same way you'd watch any old stray Dog. A Dog can befriend you, and then turn right around and bite your ass. Being a Dog, Adam & Evil (or what ever you want to call it) does just that. Now if you'll excuse the hell out of me, I've got to go call my daughter. She's spending the summer in Japan with my sister. Sure that's expensive, but after these movies, there's no way in heaven, hell, heck or limbo I'm sending her to Summer Camp. See you, and her, in the next reel. Andrew Van Slee is not invited, though.